Me, Myself and Anxiety.

So, I debated for quite some time whether or not I should choose to share this information over my blog, but the more I got to thinking, the more I got to realising, that simply talking (or in my case, writing) about something like this, can only be beneficial to myself and others, so, here I am. Writing. Heaven forbid.

Anxiety. I have it. You most likely have it. A lot of people have it. It's that horrible feeling of dread that creeps up on us the moment we're confronted with something unknown, uncomfortable or alien to us. It can sweep over us like a thick patch of fog and linger for what, in my case, feels like years. It can inhabit many forms, mostly mentally and physically and it seems to like to feed off every little worry or concern that your brain may produce.

For months I've quite frankly felt like I'm a crazed looney bin who deserves to be locked up and for the key to be thrown very far away. Anxiety has corrupted my mind and made me feel guilty for getting so wound up about small and trivial things. Countless crying to my boyfriend (poor guy) helped to aleviate the problem for a few days, before it snuck back up on me again. Consistent worrying gave me physical problems, such as severe chest pain and panic attacks, which consequently tired my body out to such an extent that I would spend a large portion of my days off just sleeping.

A few months ago, I accidentally reversed my car into a parked black cab which consequently scraped some of the paintwork off. A very, and I stress (how ironic?) minor accident that for the past six months has left me with a sense of dread everytime I get into my car to go somewhere.If I'm driving to say, work, my journey goes something like this..

'Driving, driving, driving. Oh no. Narrow street. Too narrow for two cars to fit down. What do I do if another car comes my way? Chest tightens. Resolution? Either speed up the street to get out of it as fast as possible or take a different route. Different route it is. Now, ten unnecessary minutes added onto what should have been a short journey. Spotted something up ahead within my eyeline. Is that..? Could it be? NO, IT'S A CYCLIST! The worst kind of road diversion. Do I speed up or follow them at a slow pace before they take a turning and get out of my way?' (No offence intended towards cyclists).

And so on and so forth. I dreamt of a car for years and now I can't bloody reap the rewards of one?! Bullshit (excuse my French).

So, I've decided to tackle my anxiety, head on and start 2013 afresh and try to set realistic goals that I can actually accomplish. I'm also going to try and make light of my anxiety as best I can and share with you, my little annecdotes in the most humorous way possible! Let me know what you think.

Fi x